


Look Beside You

by JENGEORGE



Category: The Sandlot (1993)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-11
Updated: 2011-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-14 16:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/151221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JENGEORGE/pseuds/JENGEORGE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the hard part is recognising what you already have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look Beside You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [carolinecrane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/gifts).



> For Caroline. Because she deserves it. Thanks to cinderlily for looking this over for me.

Friendship is a funny thing.  Sometimes it has to be earned.  Other times it’s given away for free. Often it is a combination of the two. 

When Scott thinks back to the day he met Benny and the guys from the Sandlot, he knows he’s pretty lucky that Benny offered his friendship for free, because, he’s pretty sure that if he hadn’t, the other guys wouldn’t have given him a chance. 

Without Benny as his best friend, Scott thinks his life would be a whole lot different right now.  More science fairs and less sleeping under the stars.  More reading alone and less debating who is the better pitcher—Koufax or Drysdale.  Benny is fun, and laughter, and trying all kinds of crazy stuff, because _why not?_   Scott can’t image his life without Benny in it.

In the almost five years since they met, the gang has grown a little smaller—Kenny moved away the next summer and Bertram sort of drifted away shortly after, but until they started high school, Scott still saw most of the guys nearly every day.

Nowadays, it seems most of the guys would rather hang out at the Woolworth’s after school, drinking sodas and talking about the girls that show up, or listening to Squints latest plot to finally get Wendy Peffercorn to go out with him, than head over to the sandlot. 

Thankfully, when the guys try to convince Benny and Scott to come out with them, Benny just rolls his eyes, like he can’t imagine why anyone would waste a nice, warm day sitting inside when they could be outside playing ball instead.

“Come on, Smalls,” he’ll say as he grabs Scott’s shoulder to steer him toward the sandlot.  “We’re wasting daylight.”

They’ll toss the ball back and forth for hours, and Scott never gets tired of listening to Benny talk about how he’s going to be a professional ball player when he grows-up.  And Benny listens to Scott talk about his dream of being a sports writer for a big newspaper someday, and he never laughs.  Benny makes him feel like he could do anything—be anything—that he wants to. 

Scott likes having Benny all to himself, just the two of them and a baseball.  It’s not like Scott doesn’t enjoy it when they’re all playing together, but there are only so many conversations he can take about Karen Johnson’s legs or Mindy Morrow’s big boobs in between plays before Scott starts wishing it was only he and Benny again.

Scott doesn’t really understand girls, with their giggling and whispering, their hair-flipping, and their funny little looks.  Benny is usually too busy playing three positions at once to talk, so Scott doesn’t really have anything to add.

Maybe he’s a late-bloomer like he overheard his mother tell Aunt Peggy.  His Dad will sometimes ask if there are any girls who have _caught-his-eye_ at school, and Scott doesn’t know how to answer.  He doesn’t bring it up with Benny or the rest of the guys, though, because he doesn’t feel like being teased every day for the rest of his life.

He knows all about puberty and why his body is changing.  He paid close enough attention to Mr. Horton’s talk in health class to not freak out when he starting waking-up in the morning with his pajama bottoms cold and sticky.  So he understands the mechanics of _how_ it happens, but he’s not so sure about the _why_.

Yeah-Yeah’s always going on about dreams involving him and Stacy Whitmore, and Scott pretends and nods knowingly along with the rest of the guys, but if Scott is having those kinds of dreams, he doesn’t remember it. The bits of dreams Scott does remember are usually about baseball, or a fun day he spent with Benny.  And he’s certainly not sharing that with the group.

Luckily, between school, baseball, and hanging out with Benny, Scott doesn’t spend much of his time worrying about it.  Though Scott notices how many girls seem to make a point to try to talk to Benny, they don’t really say much to him.

And Scott doesn’t mind, really, because he finds he gets nervous and tongue-tied when girls talk to him.  The biggest ‘girl-trouble’ he has these days is wondering when Benny will decide that he’d rather talk to a girl than hang out with him.

He’s sitting at lunch one fall afternoon when he thinks he might find out the answer to that soon.

Benny plops down in his usual spot next to Scott, a baffled expression on his face.  Usually, the second Benny sits down he starts back up on whatever they were laughing about on their way to school, or starts making plans for what he and Scott are going to do that afternoon. 

Today, Benny sits for almost a full minute, not saying a word, before he finally looks at Scott and says, “Susan Anderson wants me to take her to the fall dance.”

Scott doesn’t know what to say.  Everyone’s going, and a few of the guys have dates, but Scott figured that he’d probably just sit and talk to Benny like he’s done at the other school dances his mom has made him go to.  But if Benny has a date…

“Well, are you?  Going to take her, that is.”  Scott tries to hide the disappointment in his voice.  He knew it was only a matter of time.

“What?  Oh, um… I guess I am.  She didn’t really wait for me to ask her.” 

Benny looks more confused than ever as he continues, “Apparently, since my mom and her mom are good friends, they’ve decided that it would be nice for us to go together.”

Seeing that it’s a done deal, Scott says, “I’m sure you’ll have great time,” while his mind starts coming up with excuses to give his mom for why he’s not going to go to the dance.  Even if she did buy him a new sport coat.

“She wants you to take her friend, Elizabeth.”

“What?  Benny, I can’t… I don’t know…” Scott stammers.  He knows who Benny is talking about, but there is no way he’s going to be able to work up the nerve to ask Elizabeth Hawkins to go with him. 

“Come on,” Benny interrupts, his tone pleading.  “It won’t be so bad if you’re there.  Susan will fix the whole thing.  We can all go together. “

 “I don’t know Benny…”

“Please?  I have to do this and Susan kind of scares me.  You know it’ll be a lot more fun if we’re together.”

Scott feels a little smug with the knowledge that Benny would rather hang out with him than with Susan Anderson.

“All right; I’ll go. Mom’s going to make me go anyway.”

Scott is rewarded with a brilliant smile and a hard clap on the back.

“I can always count on you, Smalls.”

~

When Scott tells his mom about the dance, she goes into full mom-planning mode.  After an entire afternoon on the phone with the other moms, she tells Scott that he and Benny are going to meet the girl’s at Susan’s parents house and that she will be driving them over.  Benny’s mom is going to order the corsages for the girls— _isn’t that nice of her_ —and Susan’s parents are going to drive all four of them to the dance in their new Buick. __

It sounds like a whole lot of work for a date with a girl he hasn’t even spoken to, if you don’t count the shy smile and little wave he and Elizabeth exchanged in the hallway between Algebra and Gym.

Benny tells him not to worry about it and to put it out of his head—it’s just a dance, but he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as Scott.

Scott tries to follow Benny’s advice, but he’s woken up the last three mornings damp, sticky, and frustrated, with fractured memories of dreams where he’s at the dance, and Benny is there, and so is Elizabeth, but that’s all he can remember. 

The day of the dance ends up being far busier than Scott would have liked.  He figured he and Benny would head over to the lot for a while before they had to get ready.  Tossing the ball around would have helped calm the nervousness that has been building in Scott’s stomach the past few days.  His mother has other plans.

He spends a good part of the morning at the barbers, waiting, with what feels like half of the boys from school, to get a haircut.  Then his mother has him go to Neumann’s Flower Shop to pick-up the corsages for Elizabeth and Susan.  He’s not sure how he got roped into being Benny’s errand boy, but he takes advantage of the long distance to try to run off some of his nerves. 

It doesn’t help much, because, by five o’clock, Scott is showered, dressed in the nice new clothes his mother bought him, and feeling like he might just throw up.

He’s in his room, breathing deep in an attempt to calm himself when he hears the screen door slam and, “Where are you, Smalls?”

Benny.  Instantly feeling better at the reminder that he has his best friend with him for this insane night, Scott calls out, “Up here.”

Scott’s back is to the door, but he hears Benny stomp up the stairs, and step on the squeaky floorboard outside his door before he adds, “You totally owe me for this, Benny.”

“Don’t I know it.  Well, at least you clean up nice.”

“Thanks,” is all Scott’s able to get out when he turns around and sees Benny standing in the doorway.  Benny looks great in his dark, fitted suit.  His hair is actually styled and it looks like he has some of that hair stuff in it like Scott’s dad wears.  Benny looks like a _man_ , and Scott feels every bit of fifteen standing there beside him.

“You clean up pretty well yourself,” Scott manages to stammer.

“Thanks.  I don’t know about you, but I feel like a monkey in this thing.  I’ll take my jersey over this any day.” 

Reassured that he isn’t the only one who feels jumpy, and feeling a little more like himself, Scott is leading the way down the stairs so that his mother can gush about how handsome and grown-up they look, when Benny grabs Scott’s arm to stop him on the stairs.

“Listen, Scott, thanks for doing this.  I know you didn’t want to.”

Scott blushes at Benny’s serious tone and the acknowledgement that Benny knows that Scott is doing this for him.

“It’s all right.  Like you said, at least we get to be there together.  How bad can it be?”  Scott’s surprised that he actually means it.  With his best friend beside him, Scott knows he can make it through anything.

~

The dance actually isn’t all that bad.  Elizabeth seems to be more nervous than he is, and after about fifteen minutes where everyone just stands around looking lost, the girls go off to talk to each other, and Scott spends most of the evening talking and laughing with Benny and the guys.

A few times during the evening the band calls out for a couples dance, but since everyone is out on the dance floor, and he manages to not step on Elizabeth’s toes, Scott thinks it could have been worse. 

A few times he looks over to watch Benny with Susan, waiting to see the look that means he’s going to lose a part of his friend to a girlfriend, but when he catches sight of him, Benny is looking at him, not at Susan.  Benny makes a funny face to get Scott to laugh or rolls his eyes, and Scott can’t help but feel relieved.

Afterward, when Mr. Anderson drives them home, Scott has a moment of panic when they reach Elizabeth’s house.  Should he walk her to the door?  What about a kiss goodnight?  Just the thought of having to do that in front of Benny makes his stomach flip and brings an embarrassed flush to his cheeks.

In the end, Elizabeth just reaches over and gives Scott’s hand a squeeze before she says goodnight and hops out of the car. Crisis averted, Scott is able to sit back and relax for the ten minutes it takes to get to his house.

When they arrive, he says goodnight to Susan and thanks Mr. Anderson for driving.  As he walks around the car, he hears Benny open his door and explain that he just lives a few doors away, so he can walk from here. 

As they stand in the driveway and watch the Anderson’s Buick turn the corner, Benny nudges Scott’s shoulder, and with a soft sigh says, “We made it.”

Giddy with relief, Scott looks at Benny and bursts out laughing.  Benny soon follows, and, leaning against each other, they stay like that until their sides hurt and tears are rolling down their faces, washing away an evening of anxiety and stress.

As they come down from their laughter-induced high, Benny says, “I’m really glad you came tonight, Smalls.  It wouldn’t have been the same if you weren’t there.” 

They’re still standing shoulder to shoulder, and Benny has a weird look on his face, and Scott’s stomach is doing that flip-flopping thing it did at Elizabeth’s house.  They are standing so close that Scott can feel Benny’s breath on his cheek.  So close…

Scott and Benny both jump when Scott’s mom flicks on the porch light and calls out, “Scott, is that you? It’s late and I want to hear about the dance.  You just spent the entire evening together; you can talk to Benny tomorrow.”

The moment over, Benny shakes his head as if to clear it, and Scott takes a step back before he answers his mom and gives Benny a punch on the arm and tells him he’ll see him tomorrow. 

As he hurries into the house, Scott has to use all of his will power to not look back and watch Benny walk home.

~

It’s still dark outside when Scott sits up in bed with a jolt.  His hair is plastered to his head with sweat, and his heart is racing a mile a minute.

 _It‘s just a dream_ , Scott tells himself.  The stress of the dance, that’s all.  That weird moment between he and Benny in the driveway invading his dreams.  It doesn’t _mean_ anything.

Because there is no good explanation for Scott to be dreaming about kissing Benny Rodriguez. 

But the image seems to be burned into his brain.  Benny standing close. Benny leaning in and Scott turning just enough so that their lips touch…

As soon as Scott flops back down on the bed, he feels it.  The warm, sticky dampness of his pajamas sticking to his legs.

 _No.  No, no, no_ , Scott tells himself.  He did not just... about Benny…oh, _God_. 

This cannot be happening. 

Benny is Scott’s best friend, and outside of his folks, the most important person in Scott’s life.  He cannot lose him—will not lose him—to some irrational _crush_ that Scott seems to have developed.

Scott tells himself, as he gets up to change into something dry, that it will go away.  It has to go away, because, if it doesn’t, how on earth is he supposed to look at Benny ever again?

Apparently, his mind has other ideas.  Scott spends the rest of the night tossing and turning, and praying that the ever-worsening images his brain keeps supplying—ones that look strikingly similar to scenes from those ridiculous shows his mom sometimes watches, will be gone by morning.

When the sun comes up, and his brain is still being uncooperative, Scott comes up with the best plan he can under the circumstances:  He’s going to avoid Benny until he can figure a way out of this mess.

When he heads down for breakfast, his mom comments that Scott looks pretty tired, so Scott uses that to his advantage and tells his mom maybe he’s coming down with something, and that he’s going to go back upstairs and lie down.  He’s not even really lying—he does feel sick.

A little while later, he hears Benny beating on the screen door, and Scott can hear his mom explain that he’s not feeling well, and that it’s probably not a great idea to see him in case it is contagious.

When he hears his mom close the door and no footsteps on the stairs follow the sound, Scott releases the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

Scott spends the majority of the next three days holed up in his room.  He’s able to convince his mom he’s still not up for visitors on the second day and his chest aches when he hears Benny being turned away.

The next day, his mom says that, since he doesn’t have a fever, she can’t see a reason for Benny not to be able to visit.  In a desperate move, as soon as he hears Benny climb the stairs, Scott fakes being asleep until he hears Benny slowly walk out of the room and head back down.

He misses Benny terribly, and he wishes that he could talk to him.  But all this alone-time has done nothing to quell the feelings Scott is wrestling with.

What Scott is slowly realizing is that these feelings aren’t going to go away anytime soon, because he’s starting to understand that they have been around for a lot longer than just since the night of the dance.

He loves Benny, and has for a long time.  First as a friend—an almost-brother—and now as a…what?  A boyfriend?  That sounds way too weird in his head to sound right.  He’s…Benny.  Someone who he’d do practically anything for, including never telling him how he feels.  He just needs to get a handle on this before he sees him again.  Because Scott is pretty sure if Benny ever did find out, that would be the end of their friendship.

What Scott didn’t factor into his plan was Benny’s persistence.

Scott is lying on his bed, trying to distract his brain with the latest _The Man From U.N.C.L.E._ comic book his dad gave him, when, too late, he notices Benny climbing through his window.

He can’t pretend to be asleep this time, and he can’t ignore Benny, but Scott is afraid that as soon as he looks at him, Benny will know everything Scott is thinking.

Still looking at his book, Scott says, as casually as possible, “Hey, Benny.  What’s up?”

“I don’t know, Smalls, you tell me.  You don’t look very sick to me.”  Benny’s tone makes Scott flinch.

“Yeah, well…I guess my mom was just overreacting or something. I’ve mostly just been tired.  In fact, I was just getting ready to lie down again.  Maybe we can hang out tomorrow or something.”  Scott knows he sounds like a jerk, but he needs Benny to leave _now_ , before he sits down and tries to make Scott feel better.

Scott’s still _not looking_ , but he can sense Benny stiffen at his words and can feel his stare, and Benny stands there for what feels like an eternity while silence surrounds them.

“Are you avoiding me?”

Benny says it so quietly that Scott almost believes he imagines it.  But he had to have said it, because Scott can’t imagine such a sad, broken voice ever coming from Benny.

Scott feels like his heart is breaking, and he has to choke back a sob while he tries to collect his thoughts.

He’s going to have to tell him.  If nothing else, Benny deserves to know the reason why their friendship is ruined. 

“Benny, I…”

“Is it because of what happened in the driveway?”  Benny interrupts.

Scott’s eyes shoot up when Benny mentions the driveway.  _Crap.  He already knows._   Scott’s mind is spinning, but it’s the first time in almost four days he’s laid eyes on Benny—looking like he hasn’t slept, with red-rimmed eyes, and skin paler than Scott’s ever seen—and even though the world is crumbling around him, just looking at Benny brings him comfort.

Benny doesn’t give him a chance to answer, before he continues, “I’m sorry, all right?  I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.  We’ve been best friends for five years—how can you just throw that away?”

 _What?_

“Listen, I know you don’t feel that way, but, can’t we—I don’t know—still be friends or something?  God, Scott.”

Benny looks as defeated as Scott has felt over the last few days, but now all Scott feels is bewildered.  _Did he just say…_

Scott quickly spins to slide his legs off of the bed so that he can stand.  At the movement, Benny’s eyes widen, and he squares his shoulders to accept whatever it is that Scott is about to dish out.

Summoning a courage that he hasn’t needed since that first day on the sandlot, Scott slowly steps forward until he is standing right in front of Benny. 

Benny, his very best friend.

“Or something,” Scott says right before he presses his lips to Benny’s.

It doesn’t last very long, and Scott’s hands don’t leave his sides, but he hopes he gets his point across.

“Oh,” is all Benny is able to say.

It’s not often that Scott is able to render Benny speechless, so he takes advantage of the moment, to try to explain why he’s been acting like an idiot.

“I thought it was just me.  I was so worried that you’d hate me, that if I looked at you, you’d know.  I couldn’t…I didn’t want…”

This time it’s Benny who leans in, and this kiss is slower, softer, full of reassurance and understanding. Benny’s arm wraps around Scott’s waist, and Scott rests his hands on Benny’s hips.  It’s everything Scott dreamed a kiss from Benny would be like, but so much better, because this time it’s real.

“I know.  I was afraid too,” Benny says when they finally pull apart.

There are a few more kisses, and a few more words said, when Scott suddenly feels the impact of having spent so many days pent up in his room.

“Hey, it looks really nice outside.  Are you up for tossing the ball around a bit?”

Benny rolls his eyes and places a short kiss on the corner of Scott’s mouth.  “I am always ready for baseball, Smalls.  Hurry up, we’re wasting daylight.”

Scott can’t help the smile that spreads across his face.  After days of worrying, of longing, of feeling like he was about to lose everything, he can’t believe how this day has turned out.

Scott still likes having Benny all to himself.  Now he just has a new reason why.


End file.
